HARRY POTTER: Casting by CUA’s Campus
I present to you the playbill for our campus’s upcoming fictional rendition of the Harry Potter saga. There were some obvious choices and some real surprise casting decisions that will make for a wonderful show.
So, without further ado, I present to you the main cast of Harry Potter and the Legend of the Exorcism Book:
Albus Dumbledore (the venerable and wise leader)… Pres. John Garvey
Harry Potter (the handsome and fearless protagonist)… Yours Truly (duh)
Hermione Granger (the smart heroine)… Christina Wolfgram
Ron Weasley (the honorable sidekick)… Any of the dozens of campus redheads
Minerva McGonagall (the other awesome professor)… Dean Bergkamp
Rubeus Hagrid (the sage shepherd)… Father Jude
Severus Snape (the sometimes scary student advisor)… David Best
Sybil Trelawney (the loveable fortune teller)… Miss Loretta
Mad-Eye Moody (the fair and burly disciplinarian)… Omar Torres
Bellatrix Lestrange (the wicked witch)… Susan Sarandon
Rita Skeeter (the intrepid reporter)… Liz Grden
Draco Malfoy (the sneaky and underhanded)… Joe St. George
Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris (the friendly and watchful community walkers)… RA Staff
Sirius Black (the godfather)… Father Andy
Now for some miscellaneous choices:
The Dementors… the roving gangs of Brookland that don’t actually exist
Crabbe and Goyle… DPS
The Moving Staircases… the Mullen Stacks’ elevator
Scabbers (Ron’s rat, who’s actually Peter Pettigrew)… The White Squirrel
Ollivander’s Wand Shop… The Bookstore
Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge… Cardinal-designate Donald W. Wuerl
The Dursleys… First Years’ parents
Nearly Headless Nick… any one of the marauding and singing Music students
Moaning Myrtle… that creature that lives beneath the vents behind McMahon Hall
Platform 9 ¾… Red Line Brookland/CUA
Three Broomsticks… My Brother’s Place
And, now for the one you’ve all been waiting for…
Lord Voldemort (the evil and unmentionable)… Academy Award winner, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Mr. Jon Voight
I hope you enjoy the show! Your Campus Casting Director,
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